I call this one a new side of me. Each day I
see you. I see the newness in the way you
allow, the way you pause when something
unfamiliar yet familiar reveals itself. It's
funny how life makes you forget who you
are. Or should I say the individuals that are
a part of your life? Rather for a reason,
season, or lifetime; somehow they have
managed to make you either forget or
remember who you are.
I get it. I am supposed to hold my head up
and stay strong and dust my shoulders off,
turn the other cheek all while being the world's
best mom and most likely to succeed in
love and life. I forgot something, "they"
forgot something no one taught me how to
feel, respond, or allow.
I was only taught
how to be and react and turn away or keep
quiet or stay out of "it"
The "it" of life destroyed my sense of self. I
went left because I was told and turned
around because you were afraid to let me
peek around to what was unfamiliar.
Unfamiliar yet familiar because something
deep inside me always knew this was not
it. I learned to avoid the pain of you and me
only to become further lost in my makeup
reality.
I have been looking for her. Who is her you
ask? She is the one who got away. The
one that faded in the stories of your fears.
She was never given a chance to see a
different side because the one you showed
her was full of walls and restrictions; walls
that I later grew to know kept love and life
excuse me did say life. I mean light out..... right?
The light that I desperately needed but did not know it was missing until something inside of me just couldn't stop wondering.
Well I
only lived from a place of limits, walls, and
don't do this or turn from sin. It's to protect
you "they" say. Trust me, you don't want to
know "they" say.
No, I do. I do! And I always have.
I have been curious about the
possibility of love and life my entire life and
when I peeked out to explore I was yanked
back because it looked so unfamiliar to you
yet familiar to me. Only I had never gone to
the place of receiving love, liberation, and
pureness.
Pureness I have come to know
was not about your virginity but about you
showing up as you without the walls and
limits. Showing up as the limitless God self
blemishes and all only to show how great
you are as you are and wherever you go.
I call this one a new side of me. Yet,
unfamiliar to you but familiar to me.
I think I will stay a little longer.
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